Jokes and Other Diversions

March 15, 2013

Expert Surgeon

Sam and John were out cutting wood when John accidentally cut his arm off. Sam remained calm, wrapped the arm securely in a plastic bag, and immediately took John and his arm to a surgeon.

“You’re in luck,” said the surgeon. “I am an expert in re-attaching limbs. Come back in four hours when I have completed the operation.”

So Sam returned in four hours and the surgeon said, “I did it faster than I expected. John is down at the pub.”

Sam rushed down to the pub and was amazed to see John playing darts with his newly re-attached arm.

A few weeks later, Sam and John were out cutting wood again when John accidentally cut his leg off.

Having some experience with this type of situation, Sam put the leg snugly in a plastic bag and took it and John back to the same surgeon.

“Legs are a bit harder,” said the surgeon, “but I’ll see what I can do – come back in six hours.”

Sam returned in six hours and the surgeon said, “I finished early – John’s out playing football.”

Sam went to the field and to his surprise found John kicking 50 meter torpedoes.

A few weeks later, Sam and John were cutting wood again, when John accidentally cut off his own head. (John was a rather clumsy individual.)

Sam put the head in a plastic bag, tied it tightly, and took it, and the rest of John to the surgeon, confident that the skillful surgeon could do the job.

“Gee, heads are very difficult to re-attach,” the surgeon muttered, “but I’ll see what I can do – come back in 12 hours.”

Sam returned in 12 hours.

“How did it go, Doc?” he asked.

“I’m sorry, Sam, but John died,” the surgeon replied. 

Aghast, Sam asked, “But how did he die?  I thought you were an expert surgeon!”

“I’m afraid you suffocated him with the plastic bag.”

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