Jokes and Other Diversions

February 1, 2021

Road Warrior

I have a little GPS
It sits there in my car
A GPS is a driver's friend
It tells you where you are
I have a little GPS
I've had it all my life
It's better than the normal ones
My GPS is my wife
It gives me full instructions
Especially how to drive
"It's 30 miles an hour," it says.
"You're doing 35!"
It tells me when to stop and start  
And when to use the brake
And tells me that it's never ever
Safe to overtake.
It tells me when a light is red
And when it goes to green
It seems to know instinctively  
Just when to intervene.  
It lists the vehicles just in front
And all those to the rear  
And taking this into account  
It specifies my gear.  
I'm sure no other driver
Has so helpful a device  
For when we leave and lock the car
It still gives its advice.
It fills me up with counseling  
Each journey's pretty fraught.
So why don't I exchange it  
And get a quieter sort?  
Ah well, you see, it cleans the house,  
Makes sure I'm properly fed,
It washes all my shirts and things  
And keeps me warm in bed!
Despite all these advantages
And my tendency to scoff,
I do wish that once in a while  
I could turn the bugger off.

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