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August 26, 2013

Holy Hooves

One day at the track, while playing the ponies and nearly losing his shirt, Mitch noticed a priest step out onto the track and bless the forehead of one of the horses lining up for the fourth race. Lo and behold, the horse—a very long shot—won the race.

Before the next race, Mitch watched the old priest again step onto the track and bless the forehead of one of the horses then arriving in the starting gate. Although the horse was another long shot, Mitch made a beeline for the betting window and placed a small bet. The horse won.

Before the sixth race, Mitch anxiously waited to see which horse the priest would bless and then bet big on it. It, too, won.

As the races continued, the priest kept blessing long-shot horses, and each one won.

By now, Mitch was pulling in some serious money and decided to go for it all in the last race. He ran to the ATM, withdrew all his savings, and awaited the priest's blessing on one of the horses. True to form, the priest stepped onto the track and blessed the forehead of an old nag that was the longest shot of the day. He also blessed the nag’s eyes, ears, and hooves. Mitch knew he had a winner and bet every cent he owned on the nag.

He then watched, dumbfounded, as the nag come in dead last. Shocked, Mitch made his way to the track and confronted the priest.

“Father! What happened?” he demanded. “All day long, you blessed horses and they all won. Then in the last race, the horse you blessed lost by a Kentucky mile. Now, thanks to you, I've lost every cent of my savings!”

The priest nodded, wisely and with sympathy.

“Son,” he said, “that's the problem with you Protestants. You can't tell the difference between a simple blessing and last rites.”

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