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January 14, 2019

12 Laws of Golf

1: No matter how bad your last shot was, maintain Inner Peace by knowing that a worse one is yet to come. This powerful law does not expire at the 18th hole but extends over the course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime.

2: Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the former.

3: New golf balls are water-magnetic; and the more expensive the ball, the greater its attraction. Some expensive clubs are believed to be made with this unusual natural alloy.

4: Golf balls never bounce off trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down.

5: The higher a golfer's handicap, the more qualified he deems himself as an instructor.

6: A golfer hitting into your group will always be bigger than anyone in your group. Likewise, any group you accidentally hit into will consist of a football player, a professional wrestler, a convicted murderer and an IRS agent.

7: All 3-woods are possessed by demons. Your mother-in-law does not come close.

8: Golf balls from the same "sleeve" tend to follow one another, particularly out of bounds or into the water. (See Law 3.)

9: The last three holes of a round will automatically adjust your score to what it really should be.

10: Golf should be given up at least twice per month.

11: All vows taken on a golf course shall be valid only until sunset.

12: Since bad shots come in groups of three, your fourth consecutive bad shot is really the beginning of the next group of three.

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