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January 1, 2019

Perks of Being a Senior Citizen

1. Kidnappers are not interested in you.

2. In a hostage situation, you are likely to be released first.

3. No one expects you to runanywhere.

4. People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"

5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

7. Things you buy now won't wear out.

8. You can eat supper at 4 p.m.

9. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

10. You stop trying to hold in your stomach, no matter who walks into the room.

11. You sing along with elevator music.

12. Your eyes won't get much worse.

13. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

14. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the National Weather Service.

15. Your secrets are safe with your friends, because they can't remember them, either.

16. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.

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