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December 28, 2018

Things to Do in an Elevator

1. Stand really close to someone, and sniff them occasionally.

2. When the doors close, announce, “It's OK, don't panic, they open again!”

3. Swat at flies that don't exist.

4. Tell people that you can see their aura.

5. Call out, “Group hug!” and then enforce it.

6. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, “Shut up, all of you, just shut up!”

7. Crack open your briefcase or purse, peer inside and ask, “Got enough air in there?”

8. Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

9. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, “You’re one of THEM!” and back away slowly.

10. Wear a puppet on your hand, and use it to talk to the other passengers.

11. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.

12. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

13. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce, “This is MY personal space!”

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