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January 23, 2014

Your Attention, Please!

Recent actual announcements from the London Underground:

“To the gentleman wearing the long gray coat trying to get on the second carriage: What part of 'stand clear of the doors' don't you understand?”

“Please move all baggage away from the doors.” (Pause.) “Please move ALL belongings away from the doors.” (Pause.) “This is a personal message to the man in the brown suit wearing glasses at the rear of the train: Put the pie down, Four-Eyes, and move your bloody golf clubs away from the door!”

“May I remind all passengers that there is strictly no smoking allowed on any part of the Underground? However, if you are smoking a joint, it's only fair that you pass it round the rest of the carriage.”

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