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November 21, 2019

Chicago Weather Report

60 degrees: Floridians wear coats, gloves and woolly hats.

Chicagoans sunbathe.

50 degrees: New Yorkers try to turn on the heat.

Chicagoans plant gardens.

40 degrees: Italian cars won’t start.

Chicagoans drive with the top down.

32 degrees: Distilled water freezes.

Lake Michigan gets thicker.

20 degrees: Californians shiver uncontrollably.

Chicagoans have the last cookout before it gets cold.

15 degrees: New York landlords finally turn up the heat.

Chicagoans throw on a sweatshirt.

0 degrees: Californians head for Mexico.

Chicagoans lick the flagpole and throw on a light jacket over the sweatshirt.

20 below: People in Miami cease to exist.

Chicagoans get out their winter coats.

40 below: Hollywood disintegrates.

Chicago Girl Scouts begin selling cookies door to door.

60 below: Polar bears begin to evacuate Antarctica.

Chicago Boy Scouts postpone “Winter Survival” classes until it gets cold enough.

80 below: Mount St. Helens freezes.

Chicagoans rent a movie.

100 below: Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.

Chicagoans get frustrated when they can’t thaw the keg.

297 below: Microbial life survives on dairy products.

Illinois cows complain of farmers with cold hands.

460 below: All atomic motion stops.

Chicagoans start saying, "Cold ‘nuff for ya??"

500 below: Hell freezes over.

The Chicago Cubs win the World Series.

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