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September 11, 2012

The Wife Says

The wife says: I want new curtains.
The wife means: Also carpeting, furniture, and wallpaper!

The wife says: I need wedding shoes.
The wife means: The other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white.

The wife says: Hang the picture there.
The wife means: No, I mean hang it there!

The wife says: I heard a noise.
The wife means: I noticed you were almost asleep.

The wife says: Do you love me?
The wife means: I’m going to ask for something expensive.

The wife says: How much do you love me?
The wife means: I did something today you’re not going to like.

The wife says: I’ll be ready in a minute.
The wife means: Kick off your shoes, and take an hour nap.

The wife says: Am I fat?
The wife means: Tell me I’m beautiful.

The wife says: You have to learn to communicate.
The wife means: Just agree with me.

The wife says: Are you listening to me?
The wife means: Too late, you’re doomed.

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