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September 5, 2012

The Wife Says

The wife says: You want…
The wife means: You want…

The wife says: We need…
The wife means: I want…

The wife says: It’s your decision.
The wife means: The correct decision should be obvious.

The wife says: Do what you want.
The wife means: You’ll pay for this later.

The wife says: We need to talk.
The wife means: I need to complain.

The wife says: Sure, go ahead.
The wife means: I don’t want you to.

The wife says: I’m not upset.
The wife means: Of course I’m upset, you moron.

The wife says: You’re so manly.
The wife means: You need a shave and sweat a lot.

The wife says: Be romantic; turn out the lights.
The wife means: I have flabby thighs.

The wife says: This kitchen is so inconvenient.
The wife means: I want a new house.

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Previous items from the past weeks

September 4, 2012
Common Sense
Sam was in his usual...

September 3, 2012
Your Call
Through the pitch-black...

August 31, 2012
Priorities
A guy tells his doctor...

August 30, 2012
Ever Wonder?
Why do they sterilize...

August 29, 2012
Ever Wonder?
Why is lemon juice...

August 28, 2012
Ever Wonder?
Why the sun lightens...

August 27, 2012
I Don't Want to Go to School!
Early one morning...

August 24, 2012
Did You Ever Wonder...
What would George Washington...

August 23, 2012
Did You Ever Wonder...
You know what really hurts...

August 22, 2012
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A guy is passing a...

August 21, 2012
Wales Watching
I was in a pub...

August 20, 2012
Beer Wisdom
Sometimes when I reflect...

August 17, 2012
How to Know if You’re Ready For Parenthood
Are You Ready to be a Parent?...

August 16, 2012
Sound Advice
I don’t know what to do...

August 15, 2012
That's Just Blarney
A group of Americans is...


See humor archive
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