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September 5, 2012

The Wife Says

The wife says: You want…
The wife means: You want…

The wife says: We need…
The wife means: I want…

The wife says: It’s your decision.
The wife means: The correct decision should be obvious.

The wife says: Do what you want.
The wife means: You’ll pay for this later.

The wife says: We need to talk.
The wife means: I need to complain.

The wife says: Sure, go ahead.
The wife means: I don’t want you to.

The wife says: I’m not upset.
The wife means: Of course I’m upset, you moron.

The wife says: You’re so manly.
The wife means: You need a shave and sweat a lot.

The wife says: Be romantic; turn out the lights.
The wife means: I have flabby thighs.

The wife says: This kitchen is so inconvenient.
The wife means: I want a new house.

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Previous items from the past weeks

September 4, 2012
Common Sense
Sam was in his usual...

September 3, 2012
Your Call
Through the pitch-black...

August 31, 2012
Priorities
A guy tells his doctor...

August 30, 2012
Ever Wonder?
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August 29, 2012
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August 28, 2012
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August 27, 2012
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August 24, 2012
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August 23, 2012
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August 22, 2012
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August 21, 2012
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August 20, 2012
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Sometimes when I reflect...

August 17, 2012
How to Know if You’re Ready For Parenthood
Are You Ready to be a Parent?...

August 16, 2012
Sound Advice
I don’t know what to do...

August 15, 2012
That's Just Blarney
A group of Americans is...


See humor archive

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