| Connect Follow us on Twitter Like us on Facebook
About | Subscribe | Advertise


Jokes and Humor

Jokes and Other Diversions

| More

August 13, 2012

Are You Sitting Down?

Dear Mom and Dad,

It has been three months since I left for college. I am sorry for not having written before. I will bring you up to date now, but please sit down before you read on.

Are you sitting down?

OK! Well, then, I am getting along pretty well. The skull fracture and concussion I got when I jumped from my dorm window during the fire are pretty well healed. I only get those sick headaches once a day.

Fortunately, a neighborhood gas-station attendant saw the fire and my jump and called 911. He also visited me at the hospital. Since my dorm was destroyed and I had nowhere to live, I accepted his kind invitation to share his apartment. It’s really a basement room, but it’s kind of cute.

He is a very fine boy, and we have fallen deeply in love and are planning to be married. We haven’t set the date yet, but it will be before my pregnancy begins to show.

Yes, Mom and Dad, I am pregnant! I know how much you are looking forward to being grandparents, and I know you will welcome the baby with all the love and tender care you gave me.

Alas, our wedding has been delayed by a minor infection that my fiancé has contracted. I carelessly caught the bug as well,  and we have not yet passed our blood tests. I am sure that the daily penicillin shots will clear it all up soon.

I know you will welcome him into our family with open arms. He is kind and ambitious, if not educated. And with your often professed tolerance, I know that his different race and religion will not concern you.

Now that I have brought you up to date, I want to tell you that there was no fire, no jump, no concussion or skull fracture. I was not in the hospital, am not pregnant or engaged, do not have syphilis, and am not dating anyone.

However, I am getting a D in History and an F in Science, and I wanted you to see those marks in the proper perspective.


Your Daughter

Current Item rating: 4.0 out of 5

Rate this Item:

2 3 4 HI-larious
Your Rating:


Humor Archive | Submit your own Item

Previous items from the past weeks

August 10, 2012
That's Revolting
While touring a small...

August 9, 2012
Coming To
A man is waking up...

August 8, 2012
Paying Attention
Two bored casino dealers...

August 7, 2012
His & Hers Road Trip
Hers: Pulls off at...

August 6, 2012
Marital Musings
I haven’t spoken...

August 3, 2012
Skin Deep
Women will never...

August 2, 2012
Night Out
Let’s go out...

August 1, 2012
Big Win
A man rushes into...

July 31, 2012
Seeing Clearly...Or Not
A man is relaxing...

July 30, 2012
It's All Who You Know
A guy gets pulled over...

July 27, 2012
Marketing Tips
Two beggars are...

July 26, 2012
High Medical Costs
A woman brought her very limp...

July 25, 2012
Maximum Efficiency
Lady, this vacuum cleaner...

July 24, 2012
Two Irishmen flew...

July 23, 2012
The Husband Store
A store that sells new...

See humor archive

US Minerals
US Minerals -
Black Magnum

With nationwide production and distribution capabilities, U.S. Minerals supplies a complete range of coal slag and other abrasives to meet all of your blasting needs.

HoldTight Solutions Inc.

Our HoldTight®102 salt remover & flash rust
preventer prevents flash
rust by removing surface contaminants. Contact us
for your nearest distributor.
(800) 319.8802

Modern Safety Techniques
Modern Safety Techniques

See our Low Temperature Catalyst for your CO removal needs. Help to provide your workers with safe, comfortable breathing air!

Humidity & Temperature Control Equipment

Rental Desiccant Dehumidifiers, ArcticDRY Units, Air Conditioners, Heaters and Generators to help control the climate on your next industrial painting project. Nationwide locations, 24/7 service: (866) 379-2600”

Carlisle Fluid Technologies
Built for Tough Jobs

From Epoxies to Urethanes to other high solid coatings, the new Binks Airless 75 delivers a great finish using an ergonomic design. Visit for more information.

NLB Corporation
NLB Sure Shroud: Greater Protection and Flexibility

NLB’s Sure Shroud’s lighter weight and flexibility reduces operator fatigue and offers unmatched protection against high pressure hose ruptures. 10k to 40k psi rated.

Novatek Corporation
Novatek Corporation, Dustless Coatings Removal

Strip, clean and profile all dust free! Comply with new lead standards. Contact today: (866) 563-7800

W Abrasives - Surf Prep Pack

Experts in surface preparation are not working only on greens. To discover the SURF PREP PACK dedicated to experts. Visit our website,

Dehumidifiers, Sales and Consulting
How long can you hold a WHITE-METAL BLAST?

Click to learn how 30 DAYS is easy! Don Bechtol has over 40 years of experience utilizing DH for blasting/coating projects. Call today.

Safway Services
Safeguard Assets. Ensure Productivity. HAKI®

Protect assets and equipment. Keep facilities open and operational. Maintain schedules regardless of weather. Ensure smooth and continuous production. Easy to erect. Safway is the primary distributor of HAKI® products including HAKISPAN and HAKITEC® 750 – in North America.

Technology Publishing

The Technology Publishing Network

The Journal of Protective Coatings & Linings (JPCL) PaintSquare
Durability + Design Paint BidTracker

EXPLORE:      JPCL   |   PaintSquare News   |   Interact   |   Buying Guides   |   Webinars   |   Resources   |   Classifieds
REGISTER AND SUBSCRIBE:      Free PaintSquare Registration   |   Subscribe to JPCL   |   Subscribe to PaintSquare News
MORE:      About   |   Privacy policy   |   Terms & conditions   |   Site Map   |   Search   |   Contact Us

© Copyright 2000-2016, Technology Publishing / PaintSquare, All rights reserved
2100 Wharton Street, Suite 310, Pittsburgh PA 15203-1951; Tel 1-412-431-8300; Fax 1-412-431-5428; E-mail