PaintSquare.com
      | Connect Follow us on Twitter Like us on Facebook
About | Subscribe | Advertise
  

 

Jokes and Humor

Jokes and Other Diversions

| More

August 13, 2012

Are You Sitting Down?

Dear Mom and Dad,

It has been three months since I left for college. I am sorry for not having written before. I will bring you up to date now, but please sit down before you read on.

Are you sitting down?

OK! Well, then, I am getting along pretty well. The skull fracture and concussion I got when I jumped from my dorm window during the fire are pretty well healed. I only get those sick headaches once a day.

Fortunately, a neighborhood gas-station attendant saw the fire and my jump and called 911. He also visited me at the hospital. Since my dorm was destroyed and I had nowhere to live, I accepted his kind invitation to share his apartment. It’s really a basement room, but it’s kind of cute.

He is a very fine boy, and we have fallen deeply in love and are planning to be married. We haven’t set the date yet, but it will be before my pregnancy begins to show.

Yes, Mom and Dad, I am pregnant! I know how much you are looking forward to being grandparents, and I know you will welcome the baby with all the love and tender care you gave me.

Alas, our wedding has been delayed by a minor infection that my fiancé has contracted. I carelessly caught the bug as well,  and we have not yet passed our blood tests. I am sure that the daily penicillin shots will clear it all up soon.

I know you will welcome him into our family with open arms. He is kind and ambitious, if not educated. And with your often professed tolerance, I know that his different race and religion will not concern you.

Now that I have brought you up to date, I want to tell you that there was no fire, no jump, no concussion or skull fracture. I was not in the hospital, am not pregnant or engaged, do not have syphilis, and am not dating anyone.

However, I am getting a D in History and an F in Science, and I wanted you to see those marks in the proper perspective.

Love,

Your Daughter

Current Item rating: 4.0 out of 5

Rate this Item:


...Really?
1
2 3 4 HI-larious
5
Your Rating:


   

Humor Archive | Submit your own Item


Previous items from the past weeks

August 10, 2012
That's Revolting
While touring a small...

August 9, 2012
Coming To
A man is waking up...

August 8, 2012
Paying Attention
Two bored casino dealers...

August 7, 2012
His & Hers Road Trip
Hers: Pulls off at...

August 6, 2012
Marital Musings
I haven’t spoken...

August 3, 2012
Skin Deep
Women will never...

August 2, 2012
Night Out
Let’s go out...

August 1, 2012
Big Win
A man rushes into...

July 31, 2012
Seeing Clearly...Or Not
A man is relaxing...

July 30, 2012
It's All Who You Know
A guy gets pulled over...

July 27, 2012
Marketing Tips
Two beggars are...

July 26, 2012
High Medical Costs
A woman brought her very limp...

July 25, 2012
Maximum Efficiency
Lady, this vacuum cleaner...

July 24, 2012
Do-Over
Two Irishmen flew...

July 23, 2012
The Husband Store
A store that sells new...


See humor archive

CS Unitec
Surface Prep & Material Removal

CS Unitec’s Floor Planers remove coatings & corrosion from concrete & metal surfaces. Produce keyed profiles for waterproofing applications. info@csunitec.com


LS Industries
LS Blasters: Optimum Steel Cleaning Efficiency

Simplify surface prep with the precise shot control of LS Blasters. Our blast technology delivers optimum coverage and finish. 800-533-8008


GMA Garnet USA
GMA Garnet™
Natural Abrasives

- Superior cleaning
  performance
- Even Profile
- Low Dust
- Cost-Effective
- Environmentally friendly
- Recyclable up to 5 times
Tel : +1 832 243 9300


HoldTight Solutions Inc.
NO FLASH RUST -
NO CONTAMINANTS

Our HoldTight®102 salt remover & flash rush inhibitor prevents flash rust by removing surface contaminants.
Contact us for your nearest distributor. (800) 319.8802 sales@holdtight.com


NLB Corporation
Water Jets in Action

Video demo shows how
easily Vortex™ removes
coatings and more. Lawn-
mower-style water jet unit strips floors, ship decks, etc. quickly and keeps debris contained.


Minerals Research & Recovery

HIGH PERFORMANCE ABRASIVES


“Made in the USA!”

Why recycle waste from other countries? Go FASTER, CLEANER, at 1/3 THE COST with MR&R “All-American” Sharpshot®HP!!

WATCH THE VIDEO


LPI Incorporated
LPI, Inc.

Manufactures air-powered man lifts for use in prep, paint and blast booths. Standard and custom designs.
Phone 800-657-6956 or www.lpi-inc.com


AGC Chemicals
LUMIFLON®Resins Featured on Famous Blue Bridge

LUMIFLON based coatings can last up to 30 years without fading, offering a low-maintenance solution that retains color and gloss and can be field-applied


Armakleen Company, The
ARMEX when nondestructive cleaning is critical

The gentle physical propriety of baking soda but yet aggressive cleaning ability is what makes ARMEX the only choice for nondestructive abrasive blasting.

 
 
 
Technology Publishing

The Technology Publishing Network

The Journal of Protective Coatings & Linings (JPCL) PaintSquare
Durability + Design Paint BidTracker

 
EXPLORE:      JPCL   |   PaintSquare News   |   Interact   |   Buying Guides   |   Webinars   |   Resources   |   Classifieds
REGISTER AND SUBSCRIBE:      Free PaintSquare Registration   |   Subscribe to JPCL   |   Subscribe to PaintSquare News
MORE:      About PaintSquare.com   |   Privacy policy   |   Terms & conditions   |   Site Map   |   Search   |   Contact Us
 

© Copyright 2000-2015, Technology Publishing / PaintSquare, All rights reserved
2100 Wharton Street, Suite 310, Pittsburgh PA 15203-1951; Tel 1-412-431-8300; Fax 1-412-431-5428; E-mail webmaster@paintsquare.com