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August 7, 2012

His & Hers Road Trip

Hers:

Pulls off at wrong exit.
Opens window.
Asks directions from a knowledgeable police officer.
Arrives at destination promptly.

His:

Pulls off at wrong exit, absolutely positive it’s the correct one.
Drives five miles into wilderness, still thinking he’s right.
Drives an extra 5 miles -- just in case.
Rolls down window -- just to get fresh air.
Pulls up to a 7-Eleven.
Buys three hot dogs, a large Slurpee, and a beef jerky.
Asks kid behind counter how to get back to the highway.
Laughs at the idea of looking at a map as he pulls away.
Drives down a pitch-black dirt road, insisting this is the way back because the 7-Eleven kid said so.
Almost hits a deer.
Curses the night.
Curses you.
Curses the large Slurpee.
Drives and fiddles with radio.
Yells at you for suggesting the map again.
Admits he didn’t want to go to Thanksgiving at your sister’s anyway.
Hates your sister.
Ever since she called him a pernicious weasel.
Had to look up pernicious.
But couldn’t find a dictionary.
Finally found a dictionary.
But couldn’t spell pernicious.
Seethes at the memory of it all.
But she is laughing inside.
And, of course, you’re still lost.

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