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July 23, 2012

The Husband Store

A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City. At the entrance are instructions for women shoppers on how the store operates:

“You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors, and the value of the products increases as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building.”

So, a woman goes to the store.

On the first floor, the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These Men Have Jobs.

She is intrigued but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads: Floor 2 - These Men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

“That's nice,” she thinks, “but I want more.”

So she continues upward. The third-floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These Men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.

“Wow!” she thinks, but she feels compelled to keep going.

On the fourth floor, the sign reads: Floor 4 - These Men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-Dead Good-Looking and Help with Housework.

“Oh, mercy me!” she exclaims, “I can hardly stand it!”

But she keeps going anyway. On the fifth floor, the sign reads:  Floor 5 - These Men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-Dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is agonizingly tempted to stay but can’t resist whatever might be on the sixth floor.

So she goes one more flight, where she is greeted by this sign:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.


To avoid gender-bias charges, the store's owner also opened a New Wives Store just across the street.

The first floor has wives that love sex.

The second floor has wives that love sex, have money, and like beer and sports.

The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.

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