PaintSquare.com
      | Connect Follow us on Twitter Like us on Facebook
About | Subscribe | Advertise
  

 

Jokes and Humor

Jokes and Other Diversions

| More

April 22, 2010

The Wife From Hell

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, "I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir."

The driver says, "Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60; perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating."

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: "Now don't be silly, dear -- you know that this car doesn't have cruise control."

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once !!?"

The wife smiles demurely and says, "Well dear you should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did or your speed would have been higher."

As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, "Woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?"

The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine."

The driver says, "Yeah, well, you see, officer, I had it on, but I took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket."

The wife says, "Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving."
 
And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket, the driver turns to his wife and barks,   "WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??"

The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?"

"Only when he's been drinking."

Current Item rating: 4.9 out of 5

Rate this Item:


...Really?
1
2 3 4 HI-larious
5
Your Rating:


   

Humor Archive | Submit your own Item


Previous items from the past weeks

April 21, 2010
Wallpaper
How many men does it take...

April 20, 2010
The Boss
The boss was complaining in our staff meeting the other day that he wasn't getting any respect...

April 19, 2010
Car Accident
An old guy's car collides with a young guy's car ...

April 16, 2010
Elementary, My Dear Watson
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip...

April 15, 2010
Translating Help Wanted Terminology
COMPETITIVE SALARY...

April 14, 2010
A Short History of Medicine
I have an earache...

April 13, 2010
Geography Lessons for Retirees

April 12, 2010
The Census Taker
A man was sitting on his porch...

April 9, 2010
The Dyslexic Agnostic
Did you hear about the...

April 8, 2010
Will the Real Men Please Stand Up
Everybody on earth dies and goes to...

April 7, 2010
Bubba Calls 911
Bettie Jo passed away and Bubba called 911...

April 5, 2010
Negative People
A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome...

April 2, 2010
Worth Every Penny
A man and his ever-nagging wife...

April 1, 2010
Record Breakers
Sleeping Beauty, Tom Thumb, and Quasimodo were all talking...

March 31, 2010
The Zen Buddhist Monk
A Zen Buddhist monk in his saffron robes walks the streets of New York...


See humor archive

DRYCO
Environmental Controls
Equipment & Service

Temporary climate control equipment. Dehumidifiers,
Heaters, A/C, Power, More…
Toll Free: 866-379-2600


Jessup Manufacturing Company
More Traction for Extreme Marine Conditions

Jessup Safety Track® 3800 Military Grade peel-and-stick non-skid tapes and treads provide extra slip resistance for decks. MIL-PRF-24467C Type XI, Black & Gray.


Chicago Corrosion Group
Vendor-neutral corrosion consulting

What you don’t know about painting is costing you a fortune. Call today to see how CCG’s vendor-neutral, owner’s advocacy saves our clients millions.


Dampney Co., Inc.
Rubber In a can!

Rubberized Spray in a
Handy Aerosol Can

• Stays flexible
• Seals off moisture penetration
• Non sagging formulation
• Will not crack, chip or peel
• Apply to wet and dry surfaces
• Paintable


Blastox/The TDJ Group, Inc.
Blastox - One Step
Lead Abatement

Don't waste $$ on added labor steps with other methods. Don't mix, meter or apply at the job-site. Avoid strict hazardous waste rules.
Let your painters paint!


SAFE Systems, Inc.
Portable Blast &
Recovery Equipment

Trailer or skid mounted blast and recovery equipment. Systems designed for maximum versatility, environmental compliance
and overall cost savings.
Call 1-800-634-7278


Atlantic Design, Inc.
MORE THAN JUST A SALES PITCH!

Simplicity! Dependability! Safety! We’ve built these features into every cleverly engineered inch of our newest models. It’s all there. 866.Call.ADI


Trelawny Surface Preparation Technology
Surface Preparation Equipment

Manufacturer of needle scalers, grinders, scarifiers and scabblers. Pneumatic tools for Marine and Construction. US distributor CS Unitec: 800-700-5919

 
 
 
Technology Publishing

The Technology Publishing Network

The Journal of Protective Coatings & Linings (JPCL) PaintSquare
Durability + Design Paint BidTracker

 
EXPLORE:      JPCL   |   PaintSquare News   |   Interact   |   Buying Guides   |   Webinars   |   Resources   |   Classifieds
REGISTER AND SUBSCRIBE:      Free PaintSquare Registration   |   Subscribe to JPCL   |   Subscribe to PaintSquare News
MORE:      About PaintSquare.com   |   Privacy policy   |   Terms & conditions   |   Site Map   |   Search   |   Contact Us
 

© Copyright 2000-2015, Technology Publishing / PaintSquare, All rights reserved
2100 Wharton Street, Suite 310, Pittsburgh PA 15203-1951; Tel 1-412-431-8300; Fax 1-412-431-5428; E-mail webmaster@paintsquare.com