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January 23, 2014

Your Attention, Please!

Recent actual announcements from the London Underground:

“To the gentleman wearing the long gray coat trying to get on the second carriage: What part of 'stand clear of the doors' don't you understand?”

“Please move all baggage away from the doors.” (Pause.) “Please move ALL belongings away from the doors.” (Pause.) “This is a personal message to the man in the brown suit wearing glasses at the rear of the train: Put the pie down, Four-Eyes, and move your bloody golf clubs away from the door!”

“May I remind all passengers that there is strictly no smoking allowed on any part of the Underground? However, if you are smoking a joint, it's only fair that you pass it round the rest of the carriage.”

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Previous items from the past weeks

January 22, 2014
Your Attention, Please!
Let the passengers...

January 21, 2014
Your Attention, Please!
Ladies and Gentlemen...

January 20, 2014
Extra, Extra!
News from the UK!...

January 17, 2014
Extra, Extra!
News from the UK!...

January 16, 2014
Gone Fishin’
A man calls home...

January 15, 2014
3 Wise Men
Three men died...

January 14, 2014
Making a Good Thing Better
A priest says...

January 13, 2014
Pardon Me
Roy Rogers is...

January 10, 2014
The Truth About Exercise
I don’t jog...

January 9, 2014
The Truth About Exercise
I have flabby...

January 8, 2014
The Truth About Exercise
I have to exercise...

January 7, 2014
The Truth About Exercise
My grandmother started...

January 6, 2014
3 Types
There are three...

January 3, 2014
Before It's Too Late
Minister Reeves was...

January 2, 2014
Extra! Extra!
Rangers get whiff...


See humor archive

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