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January 22, 2014

Your Attention, Please!

Recent actual announcements from the London Underground:

“Let the passengers off the train FIRST!” (Pause.) “Oh, go on then, stuff yourselves in like sardines, see if I care; I'm going home.”

“Please allow the doors to close. Try not to confuse this with 'Please hold the doors open.' The two are distinct and separate instructions.”

“Please note that the beeping noise coming from the doors means that the doors are about to close. It does not mean throw yourself or your bags into the doors.”

“We can't move off because some idiot has their hand stuck in the door.”

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Previous items from the past weeks

January 21, 2014
Your Attention, Please!
Ladies and Gentlemen...

January 20, 2014
Extra, Extra!
News from the UK!...

January 17, 2014
Extra, Extra!
News from the UK!...

January 16, 2014
Gone Fishin’
A man calls home...

January 15, 2014
3 Wise Men
Three men died...

January 14, 2014
Making a Good Thing Better
A priest says...

January 13, 2014
Pardon Me
Roy Rogers is...

January 10, 2014
The Truth About Exercise
I don’t jog...

January 9, 2014
The Truth About Exercise
I have flabby...

January 8, 2014
The Truth About Exercise
I have to exercise...

January 7, 2014
The Truth About Exercise
My grandmother started...

January 6, 2014
3 Types
There are three...

January 3, 2014
Before It's Too Late
Minister Reeves was...

January 2, 2014
Extra! Extra!
Rangers get whiff...

December 31, 2013
Extra! Extra!
Starvation can lead...


See humor archive
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