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January 22, 2014

Your Attention, Please!

Recent actual announcements from the London Underground:

“Let the passengers off the train FIRST!” (Pause.) “Oh, go on then, stuff yourselves in like sardines, see if I care; I'm going home.”

“Please allow the doors to close. Try not to confuse this with 'Please hold the doors open.' The two are distinct and separate instructions.”

“Please note that the beeping noise coming from the doors means that the doors are about to close. It does not mean throw yourself or your bags into the doors.”

“We can't move off because some idiot has their hand stuck in the door.”

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Previous items from the past weeks

January 21, 2014
Your Attention, Please!
Ladies and Gentlemen...

January 20, 2014
Extra, Extra!
News from the UK!...

January 17, 2014
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January 16, 2014
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January 15, 2014
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January 14, 2014
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January 13, 2014
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January 10, 2014
The Truth About Exercise
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January 9, 2014
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January 8, 2014
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January 7, 2014
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January 6, 2014
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January 3, 2014
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January 2, 2014
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December 31, 2013
Extra! Extra!
Starvation can lead...


See humor archive
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