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January 21, 2014

Your Attention, Please!

Recent actual announcements from the London Underground:

“Ladies and Gentlemen, I do apologize for the delay to your service. I know you're all dying to get home, unless, of course, you happen to be married to my ex-wife, in which case you'll want to cross over to the Westbound and go in the opposite direction.”

“Your delay this evening is caused by the line controller suffering from E & B syndrome: not knowing his elbow from his backside. I'll let you know any further information as soon as I'm given any.”

“Do you want the good news first or the bad news? The good news is that last Friday was my birthday and I hit the town and had a great time. The bad news is that there is a points failure somewhere between Mile End and East Ham, which means we probably won't reach our destination.”

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Previous items from the past weeks

January 20, 2014
Extra, Extra!
News from the UK!...

January 17, 2014
Extra, Extra!
News from the UK!...

January 16, 2014
Gone Fishin’
A man calls home...

January 15, 2014
3 Wise Men
Three men died...

January 14, 2014
Making a Good Thing Better
A priest says...

January 13, 2014
Pardon Me
Roy Rogers is...

January 10, 2014
The Truth About Exercise
I don’t jog...

January 9, 2014
The Truth About Exercise
I have flabby...

January 8, 2014
The Truth About Exercise
I have to exercise...

January 7, 2014
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My grandmother started...

January 6, 2014
3 Types
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January 3, 2014
Before It's Too Late
Minister Reeves was...

January 2, 2014
Extra! Extra!
Rangers get whiff...

December 31, 2013
Extra! Extra!
Starvation can lead...

December 30, 2013
Extra! Extra!
New sick policy...


See humor archive

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