PaintSquare.com
      | Connect Follow us on Twitter Like us on Facebook
About | Subscribe | Advertise
  

 

Jokes and Humor

Jokes and Other Diversions

| More

August 23, 2013

Not Raising Hogs

TO:   Secretary of Agriculture
Washington, D.C.

Dear Sir,

My friend Bubba Peterson in Alexandria, LA, received a check for $1,000 from the government for not raising hogs. So, I want to go into the “not raising hogs” business next year.

What I want to know is, in your opinion, what is the best kind of farm not to raise hogs on, and what is the best breed of hogs not to raise? I want to be sure that I approach this endeavor in keeping with all governmental policies.

I would prefer not to raise razorbacks, but if that is not a good breed not to raise, then I will just as gladly not raise Yorkshires or Durocs. As I see it, the hardest part of this program will be keeping an accurate inventory of how many hogs I haven’t raised.

Bubba is joyful about the future of the business. He has been raising hogs for 20 years, and the most money he ever made was $422 in 1968 -- until this year, when he got your check for $1,000 for not raising hogs.

I have another question: If I get $1,000 for not raising 50 hogs, will I get $2,000 for not raising 100 hogs? I plan to operate on a small scale at first, holding myself down to about 4,000 hogs not raised, which will mean about $80,000 the first year. Then I can afford an airplane.

Another thing: These hogs I will not raise will not eat about 100,000 bushels of corn. I understand that you also pay farmers for not raising corn and wheat. Will I qualify for payments for not raising wheat and corn not to feed the 4,000 hogs I am not raising?

Finally, I am also considering the “not milking cows” business, so please send me any information you have on that. In view of these circumstances, you understand that I will be totally unemployed and plan to file for unemployment compensation and food stamps.

Be assured you will have my vote in the coming election.

Patriotically yours,
Mr. Smith

P.S.  Would you please notify me when you plan to distribute more free cheese?

Current Item rating: 3.6 out of 5

Rate this Item:


...Really?
1
2 3 4 HI-larious
5
Your Rating:


   

Humor Archive | Submit your own Item


Previous items from the past weeks

August 22, 2013
Useful Organ
Doc, what’s the appendix...

August 21, 2013
Every Last Nickel
A father and his young...

August 20, 2013
2 Stuffed Dogs
Paddy took two...

August 19, 2013
Sexual Security
Mary and Sue...

August 16, 2013
Careful What You Wish For
I was talking to...

August 15, 2013
Common Sense
Why do birds...

August 14, 2013
Trick Answer
A police recruit...

August 13, 2013
Sound Medical Advice
A man goes...

August 12, 2013
Government Guideline
If it ain’t...

August 9, 2013
Lucky 7
After leaving the racetrack...

August 8, 2013
Aha!
A famous sex...

August 7, 2013
Canines
Paddy took two stuffed...

August 6, 2013
No Rest for the Weary
Sir, your wife needs...

August 5, 2013
Wordzzz of Wisdom
Woman to doctor: “My husband...

August 2, 2013
Dear Mother-in-Law...
Fed up with...


See humor archive

International Paint LLC

International Paint Engineered Coatings

Learn about our solutions for:
  • Structural Steel
  • Piping & Equipment
  • Storage Tanks
  • Pressure Vessels
  • Secondary Containment


    Dampney Co., Inc.
    Metal Patching Compound

    One Part / Ready to Use / High Temperature. Fill surface imperfections, voids, rough welds prior to painting and powder coating.


    Sherwin-Williams
    Sherwin-Williams Protective & Marine Coatings

    With 4,000 distribution points and 3,700+ years of experience, Sherwin-Williams delivers the products, support and expertise you need, right where you need it.


    Absolute Equipment/Grand Rental Station
    Portable Power from Absolute Equipment

    •Compressors
    •Lighting Systems
    •Generators
    •Light Compaction
    Sales • Rental • Service
    Call 1-866-931-6655
    Over a century of
    providing excellence.


    Axxiom Manufacturing
    Schmidt Introduces
    the New miniBRS

    Reduced in size, it is incredibly easy to maneuver and operate! The perfect alternative to larger blast & recovery units when project space is limited.
    Call 1-800-231-2085


    HoldTight Solutions Inc.
    NO FLASH RUST -
    NO CONTAMINANTS

    Our HoldTight®102 salt remover & flash rush inhibitor prevents flash rust by removing surface contaminants.
    Contact us for your nearest distributor. (800) 319.8802 sales@holdtight.com


    GMA Garnet USA
    GMA Garnet™
    Natural Abrasives

    - Superior cleaning
      performance
    - Even Profile
    - Low Dust
    - Cost-Effective
    - Environmentally friendly
    - Recyclable up to 5 times
    Tel : +1 832 243 9300


    US Minerals
    US Minerals -
    Black Magnum

    With nationwide production and distribution capabilities, U.S. Minerals supplies a complete range of coal slag and other abrasives to meet all of your blasting needs.


    SAFE Systems, Inc.
    Custom blast rooms
    by SAFE Systems

    Don't waste time and money "making do" with a "standard" design. Let us work with you to design and build the
    system that best fits
    your requirements.
    Call 1-800-634-7278


    Thermion Inc
    Buy Back Program

    We are offering $5,000
    credit for your old Model
    This drive system is
    being discontinued by
    the manufacturer.
    More information at
    thermioninc.com
    877.884.3428

  •  
     
     
    Technology Publishing

    The Technology Publishing Network

    The Journal of Protective Coatings & Linings (JPCL) PaintSquare
    Durability + Design Paint BidTracker

     
    EXPLORE:      JPCL   |   PaintSquare News   |   Interact   |   Buying Guides   |   Webinars   |   Resources   |   Classifieds
    REGISTER AND SUBSCRIBE:      Free PaintSquare Registration   |   Subscribe to JPCL   |   Subscribe to PaintSquare News
    MORE:      About PaintSquare.com   |   Privacy policy   |   Terms & conditions   |   Site Map   |   Search   |   Contact Us
     

    © Copyright 2000-2015, Technology Publishing / PaintSquare, All rights reserved
    2100 Wharton Street, Suite 310, Pittsburgh PA 15203-1951; Tel 1-412-431-8300; Fax 1-412-431-5428; E-mail webmaster@paintsquare.com