PaintSquare.com
      | Connect Follow us on Twitter Like us on Facebook
About | Subscribe | Advertise
  

 

Jokes and Humor

Jokes and Other Diversions

| More

July 31, 2013

Road Warrior

I have a little GPS
It sits there in my car
A GPS is a driver's friend
It tells you where you are
 
I have a little GPS
I've had it all my life
It's better than the normal ones
My GPS is my wife
 
It gives me full instructions
Especially how to drive
"It's 30 miles an hour," it says.
"You're doing 35!"
 
It tells me when to stop and start  
And when to use the brake
And tells me that it's never ever
Safe to overtake.
 
It tells me when a light is red
And when it goes to green
It seems to know instinctively  
Just when to intervene.  
 
It lists the vehicles just in front
And all those to the rear  
And taking this into account  
It specifies my gear.  
 
I'm sure no other driver
Has so helpful a device  
For when we leave and lock the car
It still gives its advice.
 
It fills me up with counseling  
Each journey's pretty fraught.
So why don't I exchange it  
And get a quieter sort?  
 
Ah well, you see, it cleans the house,  
Makes sure I'm properly fed,
It washes all my shirts and things  
And keeps me warm in bed!
 
Despite all these advantages
And my tendency to scoff,
I do wish that once in a while  
I could turn the bugger off.
 
Anon

Current Item rating: 4.4 out of 5

Rate this Item:


...Really?
1
2 3 4 HI-larious
5
Your Rating:


   

Humor Archive | Submit your own Item


Previous items from the past weeks

July 30, 2013
Your Daily Thought
Some people are...

July 29, 2013
Home Remedies That Really Work!
Avoid cutting yourself...

July 26, 2013
Feeling Like a Woman
As the airplane...

July 25, 2013
Touché
A man in a pub...

July 24, 2013
Ultimate Security
The two partners in a...

July 23, 2013
A Win/Win
Since I first...

July 22, 2013
Check Your Itinerary
The traveling salesman’s...

July 19, 2013
Heavenly Advice
So Moses is...

July 18, 2013
A Blur
A snail was mugged...

July 17, 2013
Useful Knowledge
As the waitress entered...

July 16, 2013
It's All Relative
One Sunday morning...

July 15, 2013
Which Kind?
Two small boys...

July 12, 2013
Hearing Voices
A man walked into a bar...

July 11, 2013
In Agreement
An attorney...

July 10, 2013
Getting Fresh
An Irishman...


See humor archive

HoldTight Solutions Inc.
NO FLASH RUST -
NO CONTAMINANTS

Our HoldTight®102 salt remover & flash rust preventer prevents flash rust by removing surface contaminants. It has no equal; only wannabees.
Contact us for your
nearest distributor.
(800) 319.8802 sales@holdtight.com


SEMicro Division, M.E. Taylor Engineering, Inc.
Coatings Adhesion Testers

The PATTI® accurately measures the bond strength between coating & substrate. Outfitted properly, the surface can be rough, porous, or curved & >10K psi strong!


Clemco Industries Corp.
Powerful Protection in a Small Package

Mounts inside blast helmet, alerts operator to dangerous breathing-air condition by audible, visual, and vibratory alarms. Easily calibrated, battery operated.


US Minerals
US Minerals -
Black Magnum

With nationwide production and distribution capabilities, U.S. Minerals supplies a complete range of coal slag and other abrasives to meet all of your blasting needs.


JAD Equipment Co.
Trak Mats: Don't get Stuck In the Mud

Trak Mats offer more than just plywood. Use over and over for years. www.jadcousa.com


Novatek Corporation
Dustless Coatings Removal

Strip it, clean it, and profile it,
all dust free! High production
rates and Blast like finishes.
Comply with new lead
standards.


Corrosion Probe, Inc.
From Detection to Correction

Corrosion Probe, Inc. has the Most Concrete Coatings Experience and Expertise. Contact us today at
860-767-4402, www.cpiengineering.com


Modern Safety Techniques
Modern Safety Techniques

See our Low Temperature Catalyst for your CO removal needs. Help to provide your workers with safe, comfortable breathing air!


Detail Masters
Overspray Removal

We offer professional, turnkey service and unparalleled quality!
Our process can save hundreds— even thousands of dollars. It's fast, environmentally safe and 100% guaranteed.

 
 
 
Technology Publishing

The Technology Publishing Network

The Journal of Protective Coatings & Linings (JPCL) PaintSquare
Durability + Design Paint BidTracker

 
EXPLORE:      JPCL   |   PaintSquare News   |   Interact   |   Buying Guides   |   Webinars   |   Resources   |   Classifieds
REGISTER AND SUBSCRIBE:      Free PaintSquare Registration   |   Subscribe to JPCL   |   Subscribe to PaintSquare News
MORE:      About PaintSquare.com   |   Privacy policy   |   Terms & conditions   |   Site Map   |   Search   |   Contact Us
 

© Copyright 2000-2016, Technology Publishing / PaintSquare, All rights reserved
2100 Wharton Street, Suite 310, Pittsburgh PA 15203-1951; Tel 1-412-431-8300; Fax 1-412-431-5428; E-mail webmaster@paintsquare.com